I think it’s safe to say that a main reason we avoid or later reject therapy is that we don’t want to encounter

JUDGEMENT.

We hear so much about a “non-judgmental space” in therapy. But does that exist?

What about being offered praise? Is that not judgment? Praise is positive judgement and most people want that, are accepting of that, and are comfortable with that.

But how about this?

If you’re hearing from a professional in human behavior that trying on a different point of view, considering a different perspective, or trying a different response is potentially worth your while, what is actually wrong with that?

Might there be something about you that could be different, improved, further developed than it is now?

Might there be something you’re doing that does need to be different? People so often reflexively argue, “I’m not perfect!” but then when presented with feedback that exposes a flaw, the defenses activate, our heels dig in, and an unhelpful cycle re-sets.

A therapist can help you learn how to interrupt those cycles, close those traps, confront what you want to avoid, and so much more.

We hear so often, “I don’t want to go to a therapist and have them judge me.” But is judgment not a component of basic human behavior and interaction? We hear about "using good judgment” and “having poor judgement.” We judge ourselves and others every day, so many times and in so many ways.

I think what people who avoid therapy “because I’ll be judged” are actually saying, “I don’t want to hear that I’m not right. I don’t want to hear that I need to do something different. I don’t want someone who doesn’t know me telling me that I’m doing something wrong.”

I think “judgment” in a therapeutic context is often equated to the therapist being “mean” or “insensitive.” I think that equation has serious errors worth correcting.

And what about this?

Sometimes we so strongly expect to be judged negatively or harshly that we don’t consider the possibility that we will be judged positively.

It’s possible that we are so in our own heads about being judged negatively that we assume with certainty that a therapist will judge us negatively. What if they don’t, though?

It’s possible that we already judge ourselves so negatively that we don’t consider for a moment that a therapist might view (and thus judge us) much less harshly (or not harshly at all). So we tend to conclude automatically that a therapist WILL cast negative judgment only. Yikes.

You just might be pleasantly surprised! You might be presented with a new reality that you’re “not as messed up as I thought” or that you’re “being harder on myself than I should be.”